Starbucks secret outed: Esther is their model and owner

[Israel Insider]

An Israel Insider world exclusive

An Egyptian cleric has literally blown the lid off the global conspiracy of the Starbucks chain: none other than the Jewish heroine of the Purim story is the power behind the worldwide coffee empire. [Click image below for video]

Safwat Higazi, clearly one of the most learned and respected buffoons among Egypt's Islamic clergy, made the astounding and gut-wrenching revelation on Egypt's Al-Nas TV, uncovering at last the sinister subliminal message that has been infecting hundreds of millions of Starbucks customers in the Islamic world as they ingest their grande mochaccinos: they have been drinking from the libations concocted by one of the seven most beautiful virgins of the ancient world, selected by King Xerxes himself to be his beloved bride in a hotly contest beauty contest -- and she's a Jewess.

"Has any of you ever wondered who this woman with a crown on her head is?" he asks. "Why do we boycott Starbucks? I will tell you, so you will know why you should boycott this company!"



He proceeds to show, beyond the shadow of a decaffeinated doubt, that the mascot of Starbucks is none other than Queen Esther -- whom he mentions no less than ten times, each time with mounting fervid passion, stressing her unmatched beauty and her virginity.

Bad enough that the Jewish Queen should be the inspiration for the brand. No, it gets worse. She is wearing the crown of the Persian empire, effectively usurping rule in place of the ancient king, from Xerxes aka Ahasuerus all the way through the hated Shah to the current day Moolahs -- no doubt so named because of their love of latte -- making Iran the laughing stock of the entire Muslim world. But nay, not just they!

"Can you believe," Higazi asks incredulously but with undisguised breathless ardor, panting in desire at the sheer wickedness of it all, "that in Mecca, Al-Madina, Cairo, Damascus, Kuwait and all over the Islamic world, hangs the picture of beautiful Queen Esther, with a crown on her head, and we buy her products?"

Starbucks, which is spending millions of dollars in advertising to repel the false rumor of the company's alleged support for the Israel Defense Forces, did not comment on this new, more potent, revelation in time for our Purim press deadline.

Earlier, however, Muslim and leftist protesters smashed a Starbucks shop in London, apparently disregarding Higazi's impassioned plea for restraint. And that was evidently before they knew of the sinister Esther link.

But Iran's President Mahmooood Ahmidinejad, also reportedly one of Esther's latte lovers, vowed to wipe Starbucks off the face of the earth as he wiped a telltale white mustache from his mug while reveling with the guys at a local branch. On other occasions he has denied that the coffee chain even exists and would only admit: "Got milk."

Iran is known to have a serious heroine problem. No one realized, however, that she was Jewish. The Egyptian cleric's bombshell revelation may complicate matters for Iran's new efforts to enlist the tomb of Esther and Mordechai as a national heritage spot or at least to reconsider the location of the Starbucks across the street.

But, as they say, better latte than never.

The full transcript of Higazi's unforgettable revelations are reprinted below, courtesy MEMRI:

"Today, I would like to talk about the Starbucks coffee shop. Starbucks is to be found in Mecca, in Al-Madina, opposite the King Abdul Aziz Gate in Mecca, opposite the Al-Majid Gate in Al-Madina, as well as in Cairo. Starbucks is to be found everywhere, with this logo. This is the Starbucks logo."

"Has any of you ever wondered who this woman with a crown on her head is? Why do we boycott Starbucks? I will tell you, so you will know why you should boycott this company, and what this logo stands for. As I’ve already said, it is not enough to avoid entering this coffee shop. It is not enough to you to refrain from drinking this coffee. You must urge people never to go there, but none of you should even consider throwing a stone, breaking anything, or burning [the place] down."

[...]

"The girl on the Starbucks logo is Queen Esther. Do you know who Queen Esther was and what the crown on her head means? This is the crown of the Persian Kingdom. This queen is the queen of the Jews. She is mentioned in the Torah, in the Book of Esther. The girl you see is Esther, the queen of the Jews in Persia."

[...]

"King [Xerxes] gave an order that the seven most beautiful girls in the kingdom be brought to him. So they held contests and auditions, and selected the seven most beautiful virgins, one of whom was the Jewish Esther, whose uncle, Mordechai – or actually, it was her cousin’s brother – was a villain. It was Mordechai who hatched this plot. Esther was one of the seven girls brought before King Xerxes in the palace. When Esther, who was very beautiful, was shown to King Xerxes, she captured his heart, and he chose her to be his queen. He placed a crown on her head, and the crown you see here [Higazi indicates the Starbucks logo] is the crown of the kingdom of Xerxes, and this is Esther, who became Queen of Persia, instead of Queen Vashti."

[...]

"Can you believe that in Mecca, Al-Madina, Cairo, Damascus, Kuwait, and all over the Islamic world, hangs the picture of beautiful Queen Esther, with a crown on her head, and we buy her products?"

[...]

"We want Starbucks to be shut down throughout the Arab and Islamic world. We want it to be shut down in Mecca and in Al-Madina. I implore King Abdallah bin Abd Al-‘Aziz, the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques: It is inconceivable that in Mecca and Al-Madina, there will be a picture of Queen Esther, the queen of the Jews."

[Andrew]

What do you expect from losers who think the protocols of Zion are true. No wonder they haven't contributed one thing to civilisation.

[Michael S.]

You know how to sit four of these guys on one bar stool.

Turn it upside down!

[Tricia]

There ain't no explainin' stupid! Safwat Higazi must be Somewhat HeCrazy! to come up with that one. Or is he celebrating Purim til he's drunk? Hope it was with kosher wine. :)

[Michael S.]

This gay sounds like the local reporters after sit at the sports bar for 6 hours. I don't see a K or U on it.

[Ken Besig]

You know how they say you can't make this stuff up?